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My little Sunshine

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2020 started on a rather gloomy note. With only half of the year gone, world seems to have seen it all. From conflicts, to Mother Nature’s fury in bush fires, locust attacks, floods and the worst of all, Corona Virus. Life has come to a grinding halt and humanity struggling to find a way out of this Pandemic. Countries are in lock down. Days seem to blend together, half a year feels like half a century. And while the normal for humanity is all twisted, Its Nature as always that prepares itself to heal us and align us to face the odds.

For me the preparation started last year when I noticed this small nest woven beautifully on the branch of a jade plant hanging in my lawn…this nest stayed there unoccupied for almost a year…Till, the start of this year a pretty little Sunbird rescued it and made it her home…

Well, like most of us, I remained occupied in my own world, my technology driven world. Sometimes when I did go out for small walks, I noticed her once or twice flying in and out of her little abode to the nearby bushes but I didn’t really acknowledge her. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t give a damn either. One evening (17th March) while I was out walking in my lawn I saw her sitting comfortably in her den. Curious, I went closer to her nest but she didn’t move. So I ran to get my phone to capture her for my Instagram story before she flies away. But when I came back, to my surprise she was still sitting there waiting for me. Maybe she wanted to tell me that she did give a damn!

That day we became friends.

Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished~ Lao Tzu

I was never an early bird…The second half of my day was spent at work and first half struggling to pull myself out of bed and doing the regular chores… I hardly went out to my lawn. It was mainly during my weekly offs that I stepped out. And whenever I did, my little friend used to fly right across me as if rejoicing my presence. She used to fly twice across me just in case I missed her tiny demeanor the first time. Like me she was also an attention seeker!

2nd April; that day she wanted more attention than usual. So she flew in and out of her nest hastily as if she wanted to tell me something. I went closer and saw her feeding her little baby. I was so overwhelmed. This is what she wanted to tell me I thought to myself. My heart swelled up. I stood there looking at her feeding her new born. Then suddenly she settled herself in the nest peeking out her little face and telling me don’t you want to capture this too! And I gladly did. I had started connecting more with her.

It was around 9th April that my area was declared a hot spot and thus I was contained within my house away from work.

The first week was bliss…Sleeping, eating, reading, chatting up with friends, playing badminton with my brother. My mind and body were calm and at peace. Life seemed perfect!

What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized~ Chuck Palahniuk

But this lasted for just a week. I wanted to go out, back to work, back to the world. My over occupied mind suddenly became blank…It couldn’t handle the calm and it gave way to anxiety. I felt breathless. My thoughts were taking a darker lane which made me more anxious. I wanted to run away. This forced confinement was making me sick. I consulted four different doctors and every one said it was due to anxiety. I badly wanted to get back to the maddening world. This lock down was a reality check. We all live in an escapist mode. Running away from our problems, situations and most of the time ourselves, we find escape in work, friends, social gatherings and so on. This was not just any lock down; it was a lock down of social movement, social opinions, social pressures, comparisons and obligations. And I was not prepared for it. My calm was dying a slow death to the chaos my mind had created. Finally, I was put on medication. I had stopped going to my lawn. And I got a little disconnected, sadly living up to this typical human trait.

I left home exactly 21 days later and joined work on 30th April. I was happy to be back. Back to the drama, to the grind and all of which had become dope to my mind. But then the regular work took a toll. Breathlessness and body ache was bringing me down. I came home, slept, got up late and rushed back to work. Now my chaos was calling out for the calm. And all this while I got no time to go out and see my little friends.

Nature always wears the color of the spirit~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

One morning, I just went out to see them but the nest was gone. It was lying on the ground smashed. I didn’t know what to do. Was it the storm last night that did this or was it attacked by the cats that come visiting our lawn or was it her, who flew away with her little one leaving it to get destroyed by the forces? I had no answer.

She left me hanging between the calm and the chaos. Between the choices that life gave me and what I decided to choose. We are so tied down by the mundane, the rut that even when life gives us a chance to breathe, we get confused, we panic, we revolt. I definitely did. I never taught my brain to chill. So now it served me anxiety. It didn’t know what emptiness was, for whenever my mind longed for one I shut it up by more work, forced it to slog and surrender to desires. I was missing my little friend now.

And I knew why she chose this year only to meet me. She was a beautiful sign. We all are thrown into a situation in life which none of us are prepared for. But loosing grip of yourself is when you lose it all. Where hearts bloom, so does hope. She taught me that when there is no humdrum, no rush, no traffic, no noise, that’s the time to look within and to look around…to hear the sound of the nature, to see the beauty and the life that surrounds us. She had come to prepare me for myself. For before I see the world outside I have to see within and find my own Sunshine.

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40 thoughts on “My little Sunshine”

  1. This is such a beautiful story, so relatable, so profound and so honest. I loved every bit of it.
    At a time like this, when the world has paused; we humans are still struggling to find our peace. At such times, it is the nature that will always give us the best lessons.
    Happy that you could pause and seek the sunshine within you.. and I hope, someday we all find that little bird who has a story to tell us and wisdom to share. All we need to do is – Listen!

    Will wait to read more of your stories!

    1. Wow such a well thought out and well written piece! I can’t say I’m surprised at the 7 day calm and the anxiety that followed. I guess that’s all we are now trained to take in! #thoughtprovoking

  2. This is beautifully written <3 I’m so happy. Perhaps you and the bird were meant to experience each other during these times… if you found hope in her, I think she found hope in you too! :’)

  3. We all live in an escapist mode. Running away from our problems, situations and most of the time ourselves, we find escape in work, friends, social gatherings and so on. This was not just any lock down; it was a lock down of social movement, social opinions, social pressures, comparisons and obligations.

  4. Wow, so it’s live and on the BIG WALL…. I was also the part of this story though but the way you have presented this in your words is mesmerizing… Truly inspirational and waiting for more…. Luv.

  5. Subtle story telling and passionately written. Such a beautiful start!! Way to go Shivani. I wish I could write more but not finding the words.

    1. Thank you Ashish.. Your feedback meant a lot..
      And I completely believe in what you said.That we get closer to the forces when you get creative.
      This will stay with me forever.
      Thank you

  6. How delightfully put dear. Sometimes we forget the amazingness.There is so much around us that goes unnoticed because we r distracted by things that don’t even matter,.We miss the compassionate side of life A profound suggestions..Let your heart sing and let it dance with joy. Much love to you dear Shivani. ????

  7. बहुत-बहुत खूबसूरत, इस मुश्किल वक़्त ने हमें बहुत कुछ सिखाया, और जिस तरह “Chaos” भी एक “pattern” होता है, जो तुमने देखा और समझा, हम सभी को इसे समझने और देखने की ज़रूरत है,
    और मेरी दोस्त शिवानी, ये ब्लॉग इस बात का प्रमाण है, के तुम्हारी सतह पर दिखने वाली खलबली के नीचे बहुत शांति है ज़रूरत है गहराई मैं उतरने की……..
    तुम्हारा ब्लॉग बहुत पसंद आया………

  8. Wow such a well thought out and well written piece! I can’t say I’m surprised at the 7 day calm and the anxiety that followed. I guess that’s all we are now trained to take in!

  9. Whenever I come online I’m pretty much prepare for an onslaught of ridiculousness. But sometimes I see something that blows my mind in a way that requires so much more than an eye roll. This is really brave of you LadyBoss to share your blog and personal experience. I would wait for the next one. When you are writing it am sure it will give someone the kind of self esteem boost and relatability that would help in making things right. The last I have seen you I remember a strong, bold, naughty and cool girl.. who is way more taller than I am. I was always a little scared of you but honestly this seems right to me. To share how much such initiatives means to people especially women.

    Lots of love and will wait for your next writeup.


    1. Thank you so much Alka…yes opening Up to the world is definitely Encouraging..thanks to a lot of well wishers like you..
      Thanks again for being so kind

  10. So so beautifully written…calm and chaos and connection to other living beings we crave at a very basic level…all put in a such a harmonious flow…would love to read more such pieces…Happy Writing to you…

  11. Good start Shivani… Nice and realistic story which you have gone through and experienced.. Mixture of man made things and a fight against inextinguishable nature, where human being plays a role of an enemy against nature… And We, the so called human beings looses everything for our own selfish needs and requirements…,

  12. Indeed a good read!!! Very inspiring!
    I hope you’ve rest up and and in pink of health!!
    Would love to read about your travel stories/fun moments!
    Sending love and hugs

    1. Thanks a lot Richa.. yes I’m in a very happy n a peaceful state… acknowledging my limitations has opened my doors for me. Thanku so much?

  13. 12 साल हो गए आपको जानते हुए पर सिक्के का यह पहलू कभी नहीं देखा।। इस लाक्डाउन ने बोहोत कुछ सिखाया, हंसाया, रूलाया, पर सबने यही समझाया कि यह पल भी कट जाएगा!!
    इस को पढ़ कर हर पल को जीने की प्रेरणा मिलती है, माना बोहोत मुश्किल है पर नामुमकिन भी नहीं।।
    लिखते रहो, मुस्कुराते रहो।। ???

    1. Thank you so much Bhuvi… sahi mein kuch namumkin nahi… apno ka saath ho to har mushkil waqt asani se kat jata hai..
      thank you For being so encouraging ?

  14. आपकी तरह ही बेहद खूबसूरत कहानी। लिखते रहिए खुश रहिए खुश रखिए ?

  15. Uff….kaha tha ye talent itne din! Beautifully written. Can u do some freelance writing for me ?. All d best Shivani!

  16. Puja - Always next door

    Probably i am the last one to respond though it should be the other way round. Every time i open the page and my little one gets up. I always told you that u have more in you than just your job and you just proved it right. It’s very deep relatable and honest revelation. Loved every line and esp “She had come to prepare me for myself”. It’s got so much volume and acceptance. You found your way and I am soo sooo happy . I had tear in my eyes reading it because i could go on a journey with you ???.. and I am so proud of you my hummingbird ??? Love always ?

    1. You can never be the last one. Friends who inspire stay with you always. And you are one such friend. We have come a long way and we have a long way to go.
      So please bear with me as you always have. And keep pushing me.

      Love you lots my childhood friend.

  17. Hello Di,
    Beautifully written and soulfully introspected. I guess we all have had our little sunshine’s at some point in time and your story just tickled my brain to think of mine. I began reading your first story the moment I learnt about your blog on WhatsApp and was hooked to every word as I read along; anxiously yearning to see what comes next, and next, and next and then I finished the story. I guess my excitement didn’t match my speed of replying/ leaving comment. But, better late than never. Will look forward to my frequent visits to your blog! Please don’t stop writing.
    Sometimes it’s these stories that inspire something in us 🙂
    Lots of love and best wishes.

    1. Hey Anuj

      Thank you so much for taking out time and reading my blog. I am so glad you liked it.

      Thanks for being so warm with your appreciation. I am encouraged to write more. Please keep sending your feedback.

      Life is very inspiring.I have just learned to embrace it:)

      Sending back lots of love to you.

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