2020 started on a rather gloomy note. With only half of the year gone, world seems to have seen it all. From conflicts, to Mother Nature’s fury in bush fires, locust attacks, floods and the worst of all, Corona Virus. Life has come to a grinding halt and humanity struggling to find a way out of this Pandemic. Countries are in lock down. Days seem to blend together, half a year feels like half a century. And while the normal for humanity is all twisted, Its Nature as always that prepares itself to heal us and align us to face the odds.
For me the preparation started last year when I noticed this small nest woven beautifully on the branch of a jade plant hanging in my lawn…this nest stayed there unoccupied for almost a year…Till, the start of this year a pretty little Sunbird rescued it and made it her home…
Well, like most of us, I remained occupied in my own world, my technology driven world. Sometimes when I did go out for small walks, I noticed her once or twice flying in and out of her little abode to the nearby bushes but I didn’t really acknowledge her. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t give a damn either. One evening (17th March) while I was out walking in my lawn I saw her sitting comfortably in her den. Curious, I went closer to her nest but she didn’t move. So I ran to get my phone to capture her for my Instagram story before she flies away. But when I came back, to my surprise she was still sitting there waiting for me. Maybe she wanted to tell me that she did give a damn!
That day we became friends.
Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished~ Lao Tzu
I was never an early bird…The second half of my day was spent at work and first half struggling to pull myself out of bed and doing the regular chores… I hardly went out to my lawn. It was mainly during my weekly offs that I stepped out. And whenever I did, my little friend used to fly right across me as if rejoicing my presence. She used to fly twice across me just in case I missed her tiny demeanor the first time. Like me she was also an attention seeker!
2nd April; that day she wanted more attention than usual. So she flew in and out of her nest hastily as if she wanted to tell me something. I went closer and saw her feeding her little baby. I was so overwhelmed. This is what she wanted to tell me I thought to myself. My heart swelled up. I stood there looking at her feeding her new born. Then suddenly she settled herself in the nest peeking out her little face and telling me don’t you want to capture this too! And I gladly did. I had started connecting more with her.
It was around 9th April that my area was declared a hot spot and thus I was contained within my house away from work.
The first week was bliss…Sleeping, eating, reading, chatting up with friends, playing badminton with my brother. My mind and body were calm and at peace. Life seemed perfect!
What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized~ Chuck Palahniuk
But this lasted for just a week. I wanted to go out, back to work, back to the world. My over occupied mind suddenly became blank…It couldn’t handle the calm and it gave way to anxiety. I felt breathless. My thoughts were taking a darker lane which made me more anxious. I wanted to run away. This forced confinement was making me sick. I consulted four different doctors and every one said it was due to anxiety. I badly wanted to get back to the maddening world. This lock down was a reality check. We all live in an escapist mode. Running away from our problems, situations and most of the time ourselves, we find escape in work, friends, social gatherings and so on. This was not just any lock down; it was a lock down of social movement, social opinions, social pressures, comparisons and obligations. And I was not prepared for it. My calm was dying a slow death to the chaos my mind had created. Finally, I was put on medication. I had stopped going to my lawn. And I got a little disconnected, sadly living up to this typical human trait.
I left home exactly 21 days later and joined work on 30th April. I was happy to be back. Back to the drama, to the grind and all of which had become dope to my mind. But then the regular work took a toll. Breathlessness and body ache was bringing me down. I came home, slept, got up late and rushed back to work. Now my chaos was calling out for the calm. And all this while I got no time to go out and see my little friends.
Nature always wears the color of the spirit~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
One morning, I just went out to see them but the nest was gone. It was lying on the ground smashed. I didn’t know what to do. Was it the storm last night that did this or was it attacked by the cats that come visiting our lawn or was it her, who flew away with her little one leaving it to get destroyed by the forces? I had no answer.
She left me hanging between the calm and the chaos. Between the choices that life gave me and what I decided to choose. We are so tied down by the mundane, the rut that even when life gives us a chance to breathe, we get confused, we panic, we revolt. I definitely did. I never taught my brain to chill. So now it served me anxiety. It didn’t know what emptiness was, for whenever my mind longed for one I shut it up by more work, forced it to slog and surrender to desires. I was missing my little friend now.
And I knew why she chose this year only to meet me. She was a beautiful sign. We all are thrown into a situation in life which none of us are prepared for. But loosing grip of yourself is when you lose it all. Where hearts bloom, so does hope. She taught me that when there is no humdrum, no rush, no traffic, no noise, that’s the time to look within and to look around…to hear the sound of the nature, to see the beauty and the life that surrounds us. She had come to prepare me for myself. For before I see the world outside I have to see within and find my own Sunshine.